Ep 15: For When You Procrastinate
It took me a while to get Season 2 of the podcast going again.
Like, a year.
I know what you’re thinking: But, Jess! You already did a while season so shouldn’t a second one be even easier?
I know! I thought the same thing.
But it wasn’t easier. In many ways, it felt way harder. I put all this pressure on myself to deliver an even better collection of episodes and the high (read: harsh) standards paralyzed me. I would wake up every day mad at myself for having done nothing with the thing that brought me so much joy (and frustration, too, by the way. But that’s inevitable with what lights you up). I would walk through my day and say “OK, tonight’s the night. I’m getting back at it.”
Then, "tonight" would come. And wine would be there. And the TV. “Tomorrow,” I’d say.
And it would start all over again.
Sometimes I procrastinate things I just don’t want to do—like my laundry—but most times it’s something I DO want to do—deep down—I’m just scared.
Scared of being seen and not liked.
Scared of not being seen at all.
Scared of it failing in front of thousands of people—that’s how many people are listening, according to my ego.
Just … scared.
When I’d hit the couch (and the wine bottle), I’d usually open my phone and start thumbing Instagram (SUCH A GOOD IDEA HIGHLY RECOMMEND WHEN YOU’RE ANXIOUS AND VULNERABLE IT'S SO GREAT). I’d see all these people getting the big gig, or signing the contract, or opening the business or [insert killing-life-thing here] and I’d be like, Shit. I’m not doing enough.
My friend Catherine is one of those people. She has her own personal chef business, she’s a writer, she’s on TV, she’s a mom and she's also just really authentic and cool. You can tell she works hard, but more interestingly to me, she doesn’t get caught up in self-doubt or procrastination. For too long, anyway.
And I’m over here like, how???
So, I asked her. (She's nice so she told me).